Next time we walk
by sunshinesailor
Summary: The fellowship boards a subway and ends up in our world where things get a little out of hand...
1. The Passing of Boromir

**Next time we walk**

** Disclaimer: **Yes, I have kidnapped the fellowship. No I don't intend on giving them back. Unless of course, you were willing to pay me... I don't own any of these characters, though the ideas are all mine. Enjoy!

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We come upon the fellowship wandering around Rohan aimlessly. They come upon a subway train platform. The tracks lead into a deep tunnel.

Aragorn looked confused. He had never seen such a mechanism before. "What, pray tell, is this strange mechanism?" He asked, consulting the rest of the fellowship.

Gandalf shrugged, even thought he was supposed to be the smart one and know what was going on. "I have not seen this before. It must be a new tool of Saruman's, bent to do his will."

Legolas felt the urge to take charge of the group and give the orders. "Someone should go down there and survey what lies below." He stated wisely, pointing to the tracks that lay beneath the platform.

Boromir looked around, and saw that no one else had volunteered. Therefore, he decided to put on his happy face. "Excellent. I will go." He exclaimed cheerfully, while in his mind regretting the day he had volunteered to join the fellowship. He hopped off of the platform and started to walk down the track. Seconds later his hair began to move as a cold breeze began to blow. Little did the fellowship know, but this cold breeze signals the arrival of the train.

Gimili decided to offer wise words of advice. "Be careful laddie. That wind is evil."

Boromir tilited his head for a moment. "It does have a chill to it. I think I'll climb back up." Boromir heaved himself back on to the platform, then proceeded to dust himself off.

Meanwhile, the hobbits have been playing a hardcore game of catch with an apple. The apple is thrown too hard by Frodo and lands on the train tracks. Immeadiately there is a fight about who is going to get it.

"I've got it!" Merry exclaimed ran for the edge of the platform, shoving Sam out of his way.

"No, I've got it!" Pippin shouted before he and Merry dived on to the tracks. A couple of seconds go by as the hobbits wrestle for control. Pippin triumphs, grabs the apple and throws it back to Frodo and Sam.

"You must move!" Gandalf cautioned suddenly, a note of fear in his voice. "A monster approaches!"

Merry and Pippin immeadiately tried to climb back on to the platform, but were having troubles, since they were vertically challenged.

Boromir looked at the rest of the fellowship. Gandalf was puffing on his pipe and looking unconcerned. Legolas was whispering about something with Aragorn, and both were giving dark looks to Gimili, who was cheering on Frodo and Sam in their hardcore game of apple throwing. Boromir decided to be the hero.

"Don't worry hobbits! I'll save you!" Boromir threw himself onto the tracks and tossed Pippin to Legolas and Merry to Aragorn. Just as he was about to climb back on to the platform himself, the train arrived and ran him over.

Pippin let out a dramatic yell like Frodo did when Gandalf fell off the bridge in the Mines of Moria. "NO! BOROMIR!" He cried before struggling against Legolas.

"Stop it Pip." Merry said quietly. "It's no use. Boromir is gone."

Aragorn bowed his head solemly as Pippin ceased his struggling. "He will be missed greatly. I knew him well. He was a good man, and a good golfer. But when it came to poker, he cheated so bad-"

Aragorn was cut off as the doors of the train slid open. Faramir and Eomer stepped out on to the platform.

Faramir gave the fellowship a cheerful wave, oblivious to the fact that the train he was on just ran over his older brother. "Hey, what's up you guys?"

Eomer ignored the rest and turned to Legolas, an Elf he was fond of annoying. "Hey Elf-boy! What's kicking?

Legolas clenched his fists in anger. "How many times do I have to tell you? My name is not Elf-boy! It's Legolas! Legolas!"

Eomer shurgged, then smirked. "Sure. Whatever."

Gandalf peered at the train from under his thick grey eyebrows. "What is this strange monster called? The one that just spit you out?"

"Can you blame it?" Sam whispered to Frodo, earning a rasied eyebrow from Aragorn.

Faramir remained oblivious to the fact that he was being insulted. "It's called a subway. It's really cool."

"Its not a monster, yet it is unlike anything we have encountered." Eomer added, not wanting to be left out. "It's all the rage in Gondor I hear."

Aragorn perked up at the mention of his homeland. Just then, the doors of the subway began to slide shut. "Quickly everyone! Into the subway!" Aragorn shouted before seizing Gimili and tossing him in head first. The rest of the fellowship dived into the train at the last second.

Gimili sat up and blinked a couple of times, rubbing his now aching skull. "Is everyone here?" He asked in his thick Irish accent.

Merry shrugged. "I am. Where's the apple Pippin?"

Pippin held out his hands innocently. "I don't have it. I gave it to Sam." He turned to Sam, who was staring out the window. "Where's the apple Sam?"

Sam continued staring out the window. "Isn't Boromir supposed to be dead?" He asked, his hobbit voice filled with confusion.

"Still is, last I heard of him." Aragorn commented, bowing his head again. "I knew him well. He was wonderful at golf, but when it came to field hockey..."

"So what's he doing right there?" Sam asked, interupting Aragorn's sermon.

The fellowship clustered around the window and sure enough, Boromir was standing up and brushing himself off. Two sets of train tracks are visible on his back. He peered around, then spotted the fellowship peering from the train at him. He broke into a run as the train began to move.

"It is he! He's alive!" Pippin exclaimed, pressing his nose against the window. "Boromir!"

"He is alive." Merry agreed, peering over Pippin's shoulder. "How'd he do that?"

Aragorn shrugged. "I don't know. I never really thought to ask him."

"I didn't know he could run that fast." Legolas commented.

"Yeah, look at that laddie go!" Gimili waved at Boromir. "Run laddie run!"

The train sped up and Boromir was lost in the darkness of the tunnel. The fellowship settled into the plastic seats.

Gandalf sighed. "Alas. Boromir has passed from my sight and into shadow. I fear for him."

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "Thank you Gandalf for stating the obvious. I'm sure we never would have come to that conclusion ourselves."

Gandalf frowned. "Mind your elders you dirty human." He smacked Aragorn with his staff.

"So, where are we going?" Pippin asked after a few minutes of silence.

Merry sighed. "Weren't you paying attention?"

Pippin shook his head. "Nope."

"What a surprise." Sam muttered under his breath.

"Then where are we going Sam?" Frodo asked smugly. (He really had no idea either.)

Sam shrugged. "How am I supposed to know. Gandalf is the leader."

The four hobbits turned to Gandalf. He was staring at the Elvish runes on Legolas's bow. Legolas was looking extremely uncomfortable and was trying to edge away from him.

"Well?" Sam asked after a few minutes. "Where are we going?"

"According to the map, we should be entering Gondor anytime now." Gandalf said, still staring at Legolas's bow.

"My bow is not the map." Legolas muttered through gritted teeth.

"Shut up." Gandalf commanded before smacking Legolas with his staff.

Aragorn peered out the window. "Are you sure we're going to Gondor Gandalf?"

"That's what my map is telling me." Gandalf said, straightening back up.

The train came to a halt. The doors opened and the Fellowship stepped out onto the platform and blinked in the bright sunlight. A sign nearby reads Buffalo, New York.

"It looks like we're not in Gondor anymore." Aragorn stated, looking around for any signs of his loyal subjects.

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Really? What makes you say that?"

A fight was about to break out between Aragorn and Legolas before Gandalf interupted. "Children! Please! I'm trying to think!"

** o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o o.o**

**Wow...I'd say its a little bit of a walk back to Gondor from New York, eh? Just to warn you all, this fic will get really insane really fast, so if you like random humor that borders on the fine line between funny and stupid, you will like this fic.**

**And I would love any reviews, if you have any comments whatsoever, let me know. Thankies!**

**And to Manwathiel...I owe you my life girl! Thanks so much! hugs you and buys you candy**


	2. Hot dogs and fan girls

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer:** Yes, the fellowship is stuffed in my closet. And if you pay me enough, you might be able to have one...till then they're all mine.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

The fellowship stands around the platform looking bored. Their boredom is interupted as a band of teenagers spot Legolas and run over screaming.

"Orlando Bloom!" One shouted hysterically. "It's Orlando Bloom!"

"Can I have your autograph Orlando?" Another begged, her masquera becoming smeared with tears of happiness.

"I'm like your biggest fan! Will you marry me?" A third teen begged, throwing herself at the horrified Elf's feet.

"Help me! I'm being attacked!" Legolas yelled as the girls clung to him, still screaming hysterically.

Aragorn laughed from the sidelines. "You're an elf. Get out of it yourself."

Legolas began trying to detach hands from his body. "Well what am I supposed to do?"

"Just do what Pippin and I do Legolas!" Suggested Merry from where he and the hobbits were sitting on a bench.

"And what might that be?" Legolas yelled over the screams of the fangirls.

"Run!" Pippin exclaimed before all four hobbits began to laugh.

Aragorn shook his head. "Legolas wouldn't do that." He laughed. "Legolas would stand and fight."

"Yeah right. I'm with the hobbits on this. I'll meet up with you later." Legolas sprinted off with the fangirls tearing after him.

Aragorn watched his friend disappear into the crowd and turned to Gandalf. "What do we do now? The fellowship is breaking."

Gandalf shrugged, then continued to study his surrondings. "We must stick together and hope for the best."

Merry got up and began to wander around. All of a sudden the hobbits heard him give a cry. "Look! Food!"

Sam, Frodo, and Pippin all ran to his side. Merry was standing in front of a concession stand. A salesman peered from over the counter at his vertically challenged customers. "What can I get you boys?" He asked, giving the hobbits a friendly smile.

"That all depends." Frodo tried peering over the counter. "What do you have?"

"How about a hot dog for the young gentleman?" The salesman asked. All four hobbits looked revolted.

"A dog!" Sam exclaimed angrily, while Frodo, Merry, and Pippin looked sick. "I'm not going to eat your dog! That's barbaric!"

The salesman looked startled for a minute, then replaced his smile. "How about some nachos and cheese?"

The hobbits looked confused. Finally Merry spoke up. "Do you have anything edible?"

The salesman was starting to look annoyed. "How about a hamburger? Do you like hamburgers?"

The hobbits exchanged a look of confusion, then quickly made a huddle.

"I didn't know dogs were edible." Sam said, while the rest of the hobbits shuddered.

"Neither did I." Merry glanced up at the salesman, then looked back at the other hobbits. "Listen guys, I think the gentleman is a little insane."

"Insane?" Frodo gave a little laugh. "I think he's beyond that. Let us take our business elsewhere." The hobbits turned back to the salesman. "Thank you kindly sir, but we'll take our business elsewhere."

The salesman put his smile back on. "All right. Have a good day."

Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam wandered back to where Aragorn and Gandalf were trying to figure out a way to Gondor. In a few minutes Legolas comes walking back to the group, obviously in disguise. He has on a trench coat, combat boots, and sunglasses.

"There you guys are. I've been looking all over for you." Legolas smiled in relief. After he had escaped from his fangirls, he had never thought he would get back.

Aragorn furrowed his brow in confusion. "I'm sorry sir, do I know you?"

"Yeah, its me." Legolas replied, expecting his life-long friend to recognize the sound of his voice.

Aragorn looked skeptical. "You don't look like anyone we know."

Merry came up and patted Legolas's arm. "Of course we know you!" He laughed before turning and whispering to Aragorn, "You'll have to excuse the fellow Aragorn. This world is full of mad people."

Aragorn nodded in understanding before turning back to Legolas. "I'm so sorry sir! How did I not recognize you before? Of course I know you!"

Legolas stomped his foot angrily. "I am not insane! It is I, Legolas!"

Pippin laughed. "You're not Legolas. He doesn't look anything at all like you!"

Legolas rolled his eyes. "I'm in disguise. I'm hiding from those people who were attacking me."

Gimili raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure that you're Legolas laddie?"

Aragorn folded his arms across his chest. "Yeah. Say something only Legolas would say."

Legolas rolled his eys again then sighed. "Mirkwoodnites are lots better than Gondorians."

With a gasp Aragorn jumped on Legolas and began to beat him up. Gimili quickly intervened and pulled Aragorn off Legolas. "That's him all right. Only that lad would say something that crazy."

Aragorn sighed. "I guess you're right. Sorry about that Legolas."

Legolas pulled himself off the ground before dusting off his trenchcoat. "I forgive you and your lack of intelligence."

Aragorn blinked in confusion. "What?"

Legolas gave a little laugh, then turned to Gandalf. "See what I mean Gandalf?"

Gandalf looked up from where he was studying the effect of frying an ant with a magnifying glass. "What are you talking about?"

Legolas sighed and regretted the day he had signed up to join the fellowship. "Never mind. Where are we going now?"

Gandalf gave the ant one final look before straightening. "Well, since Gondor would be in that direction, I think we should head over there." He pointed in the direction of a cinema that was lining one of the streets in the city.

Aragorn looked happier now that they were heading toward his kingdom. "Let us go then!" He exclaimed before leading the fellowship down the street.

The fellowship arrived in front of the cinema and looked around. Finally Merry broke the silence. "This Gondor?" He asked.

"No way Merry, its the Shire." Pippin said sarcastically while clapping Merry on the shoulder.

"I still think we're in Rohan." Frodo rolled his eyes.

"No!" Sam exclaimed seriously. "We're in Mordor! Where the shadows lie!"

Sure enough, the company is standing in the shadow of a building.

"By Elrond, he's right!" Aragorn looked very surprised to find out Sam was right about anything besides food.

"Well, if this is Mordor, where are all the orcs?" Legolas asked, looking around for the enemy.

"Maybe they're in disguise like you laddie." Gimili suggested, trying to be helpful.

Legolas rolled his eyes before discarding his disguise. "I think I'm safe now." He added, looking around carefully.

"Let's go into this establishment and ask for directions." Gandalf commanded before leading the fellowship into the cinema.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**Well, if you thought this chapter was insane, all I have to say is, it gets worse. evil maniac laughter I have warned you all...**

**Thank you so much luthien thranduilion and Manwathiel for the reviews! . huggles you both**

**Feel free to review, I accept all types. Thankies!**


	3. Cinemas and Security Guards

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer**: As you may or may not know, the fellowship has been kidnapped by myself and is being held for ransom. Certain members will be going on sale on E-bay as soon as I can get some time on my hands, so keep your eyes glued to the computer screen. In the mean time, all ideas are mine...so if you steal them I will come after you and eat you. Enjoy the story!

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

Inside the cinema, the fellowship walks up to the admissions booth. Inside, a salesman looks up as Aragorn and Gandalf peer through the window. "Hello. May help you?" She asked sweetly, unaware of the frustration that was going to follow.

"We'd like to know where we are." Aragorn explained. "You see, we're from Middle Earth and-"

"Oh, you're here to see Lord of the Rings, Return of the King, aren't you?" The Saleswomen asked cheerfully, cocking her head slightly and smiling widely.

Aragorn looked a bit intimidated by this ever so cheerful chick. Pippin turned to Merry. "Not another mad person." He whispered, while Merry nodded in agreement. All four hobbits took three steps backwards.

Aragorn decided to try and get through to the saleswoman. "I'm sorry ma'am, but you see, the king has already returned."

The saleswomen remained oblivious. She took the opportunity to count up the fellowship while they were looking at each other in confusion. "Here you are. Three adult tickets and five children's tickets."

Merry looked around. "We don't have any children."

Pippin frowned, then folded his arms across his chest. "Yeah. I want an adult ticket."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Pippin, you don't even know what a ticket is."

Pippin smiled and looked pleased with himself. "Ticket...doesn't that have a fun ring to it?"

The saleswoman was looking a little annoyed, but decided to keep going. "That will be 120 please."

Aragorn and Legolas exchanged raised eyebrows. "120 what?"

The saleswoman's cheesy smile slipped slightly. "Dollars."

Gandalf glared out at her from underneath his bushy eyebrows. "Dollars? What are these dollars that you speak of?"

"This!" The saleswoman cried, grabbing a handful of dollar bills and waving them around. She could tell this wasn't going well.

"You already have some." Gimili pointed out. "Why do you want more?"

The saleswoman stared at him at a loss for words.

"For once, the dwarf has a point." Aragorn agreed before turning to the rest of the fellowship. "Come. Let us find someone intelligent in this place that can help us."

The fellowship wandered through the cinema until they entered a theatre where Lord of the Rings was playing. An army of orcs appeared on the screen and the hobbits screamed in terror.

Aragorn drew his sword. "Don't worry hobbits! We'll protect you! Charge!"

Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimili ran forward and began to attack the screen. Moans and complains were heard from the audience as they began to hack the screen to pieces.

"Why...won't..you...die?" Aragorn panted, slashing at the screen, his blade glowing in the dim lighting.

"I don't understand." Legolas shouted back. "They must be some kind of immortal orc!"

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimili appeared on the screen. There was a clattering sound as Gimili dropped his axe. Gimil, Legolas, and Aragorn took three steps backward and stared with mouths open.

Aragorn pointed at the screen unnecessarily. "That's us."

"Gazumblatt." Legolas murmured, no other word coming to his mind.

"For once I agree with the Elf." Gimili said, rubbing his eyes and looking at the screen again.

"Maybe they're imposters." Aragorn suggested after a few seconds.

"Let's ask Gandalf." Legolas turned and looked for the white-haried wizard. "Gandalf?"

Gandalf was no where to be seen. Just then, the lights came on in the theatre and the security guards rushed in.

"All right, drop those weapons!" One shouted.

"Yeah, you're coming with us!" Two guards grabbed Merry and Pippin and began to drag them off.

"Help!" Merry cried, struggling against the security guard. "We're being kidnapped again!"

There is a sound of a horn being blown as Boromir runs on to the scene.

"Never fear hobbits! I will save you!" He shouted heroically before he began to attack the security guards. Meanwhile, Frodo and Sam run in one direction while Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimili run in the other.

After they were a couple of hallways away, Legolas stopped and looked around. "Where is everyone?"

Aragorn and Gimili stopped as well. "I don't know." Aragorn shrugged. "I thought they were following us."

Gimili looked over his shoulder as Frodo and Sam sprinted down a hallway in the distance. "Look! There goes Frodo and Sam! Let's go after them!"

Aragorn shook his head. "No. For now we must help Merry and Pippin. The fate of the quest has passed out of our hands."

Legolas gave him a weird look. "Quest? What quest?"

Gimili also looked confused. "I didn't know the fate of the quest was in our hands!"

Aragorn struck a dramatic pose. "Come. Let us go rescue Merry and Pippin."

Legolas nodded, then stopped to think. "Wait. What about Boromir?"

Aragorn shrugged and gave Legolas a weird look. "What about Boromir? He's impossible to kill anyway. Believe me, I've tried."

Legolas stared blankly at him before the trio ran off down the hallway in search of Merry and Pippin.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**Well, what do you think? Reviews? Please? I love you...gives puppy dog eyes**

**And as for you Manwathiel, you get a ticket to the movies for being so nice to me!**

**Thankies!**


	4. The rescue of Merry and Pippin

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer:** I have taken the fellowship hostage, and while most of them are being kept in my closet, a few recide in my basement...evil snickers The ideas used in this fic are mine mine mine mine! hugs ideas to self So no stealing. You steal my ideas, I eat your head. Fair enough?

In the mean time, enjoy!

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

While Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimili discuss the quest, Merry and Pippin are trying to escape from the security guards.

"Let us go!" Merry demanded before trying to kick the shins of his captor. "We're innocent!"

"Yes!" Pippin agreed, nodding his head violently. "We didn't do anything!"

The security guard holding Merry rolled his eyes. "Don't you kids know that it's against the law to go in without paying?"

Merry and Pippin stopped struggling and exchanged confused looks. "He's talking nonsense Pip." Merry whispered, casting a sideways glance at the security guard.

"Hold on. Maybe I can get through to him." Pippin turned back to the security guard and began to speak loudly and clearly. "We come in pease. There is no need to get violent."

The security guard holding Pippin shoved him foreward while laughing. "Yeah, tell that to the judge."

Pippin looked over at Merry for an explanation. "The judge must be their leader Pip." Merry explained.

Pippin gave a nod of understanding. "Let's hope he's smarter than them."

The guards bring Merry and Pippin into the space of the cinema containing the snack counters. They fail to notice Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimili, who are crouching behind a counter.

Aragorn turned to his companions. "All right. Here's the plan." He whispered. "On the count of three, we'll go out and bring them down. I'll go for the head, Legolas can go for the midriff, and Gimili can go for the knees."

Gimili looked annoyed. "Why do I always have to go for the knees?"

Aragorn tapped the side of his nose. "Location location location." He turned and crouched, ready to break into a dead run toward their quarry. Legolas and Gimili tensed, waiting for his command. "On the count of three...one...two...three!"

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimili raced out from behind the counter and slammed into the guards, bringing them to the floor. Merry and Pippin quickly escaped.

"The door!" Aragorn shouted as he got back to his feet, leaving the stun security guards beneath him. "The door! Quickly!"

The hobbits, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimili ran out of the door and into the bright sunshine.

Legolas looked behind them, then questioned the hobbits. "Where is Boromir?"

Merry shrugged. "We don't know what happened to him."

"Yeah. One guard pulled out a metal stick, shouted 'Don't move or I'll shoot,' and Boromir moved so he shot, and there was a loud bang, and then Boromir fell over and didn't move!" Pippin exclaimed, looking worried for the Gondorian.

Aragorn patted him on the shoulder. "Well, I'm sure he's all right. Nothing can kill that guy. Believe me, I've tried."

Pippin stared blankly at Aragorn.

While that whole scenario was going on, Frodo and Sam were walking around the cinema's many hallways. They finally walked into another theatre where Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was playing. They sat down and watched some of the movie. Fascinated, they witness Remus's transformation into a werewolf.

"Looks a lot like Gollum." Frodo commented. "Must be a distant relative."

Sam snatched a handful of popcorn from a little kid sitting next to him. "I think it is Gollum in disguise."

Frodo cocked his head, then sighed. "You may be right Sam. Let us not stay here any longer."

Frodo and Sam wandered out of the theatre and into the sunshine where the rest of the fellowship was standing.

"There you guys are." Aragorn grumbled as the hobbits happily reunited. "Have you seen Gandalf?"

Sam shook his head. "No. Where could he have gotten to?"

Aragorn looked up and down the street in search of the white-bearded wonder. "We'll probably find him at an inn, drinking wive or something."

Legolas looked up disdainfully at the ever darkening sky. "It's starting to rain. Could we perhaps find another place to go?"

"What about that building over there?" Gimili asked, pointing to a large establishment across the street.

The rest of the fellowship agreed to follow Gimiili's plan and they walk into the mall.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**Well there you have it. What horrors will they discover in the mall? Will the fellowship break even more, or will they have what it takes to stick together? Find out when I update next, which will be Valor knows when...my life seems to be very unpredictable as of late...**

**and to Killing Perfectionist, luthien thranduilion, and Manwathiel, all three of you get mall certificates and movie tickets, along with lots of hugs and candy for reviewing!**

**And the rest of you can review too if you want, because I don't bite...hard...**

**smiles with pointed teeth**

**Thankies!**


	5. Artificial trees and mall Santas

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer: **I have taken ze hobbitses captive and ze are being held for ransom. Pay me money and you vill get hobbit of your choice. Okay, writing in that accent was annoying...what I'm trying to say is, the fellowship has been kidnapped by myself, but other then that, all ideas are mine. Steal them and I come after you. Enjoy!

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

The fellowship looks around the mall. While the others are confused, Legolas, the mall expert, knew exactly where they were. "I think we're in a mall." He said a bit modestly, trying not to act like a know-it-all like Gandalf.

Aragorn looked around and recognized the truth of Legolas's observation. "Look at all the weird clothes." Aragorn shuttered. "Can you imagine wearing these things?"

Legolas sniffed disdainfully. "Some people have no taste."

"Like you?" Gimili asked innocently.

Legolas's blue-grey eyes flashed dangerously. "What was that?"

Aragorn rolled his eyes. He wasn't in the mood for dealing with the fights that broke out between the dwarf and the Elf. "Come on now. We don't have time for this. There appears to be a path this way. Let's follow it."

The fellowship wanders out of the clothing store and into the main part of the mall. They have been looking around for a little bit, until all of a sudden, Frodo spots a mall Santa sitting with a child on his knee. "Look!" Frodo shouted. "It's Gandalf!"

The four hobbits race through the throng of people to the side of the wizard that they had grown to love, just as one of the children gets off his lap and runs back to his parents.

"Gandalf!" Shouted Pippin in hobbitish glee. "We're so glad we've found you!"

"Yes, we've been looking all over!" Merry added, his face lighting up.

The mall Santa laughed. "Ho, ho, ho! Looks like some little boys can't wait to see Santa! What's your name, little boy?"

Merry looked annoyed. "You know my name!" He shouted, the smile slidding off his face. "It's Pippin!"

The Santa laughed again, unaware of what was about to happen. "Of course I did Merry!" He picked up the confused hobbit and placed him on his lap. "Now, what do you want for Christmas?"

Merry's face went pale. "Help! Sexual Harassement!"

"Don't worry Merry! We'll save you!" Sam cried before all four hobbits began to beat up Santa.

In his anger, Frodo grabbed on to Santa's beard and yanked hard. It came off in his hands. He stared at it for a minute, then looked up at the other three hobbits, all of whom were still beating Santa furiously. "Hang on guys. I don't think this is Gandalf."

The hobbits stopped beating Santa and studied him critically. "I agree with Mr. Frodo." Sam stated stoutly before turning to Merry and Pippin. "Come on. Let's go."

The four hobbits walked back to where they had left Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimili. Only now, only Aragorn and Gimili remained.

The hobbits looked around for a sign of the blonde Elf. "Where's Legolas?" Frodo asked, his blue eyes squinting up in confusion.

"Up in this tree." Aragorn replied, indicating the tree they were standing under. All four hobbits looked up and sure enough, Legolas was sitting in the tree. He had his arms crossed and was looking extrememly grumpy.

"What's he doing up there?" Pippin asked. In his mind, that was strange behavior, even for an Elf.

Gimili chuckled. "Oh, he's just in a bad mood because the trees are indoors."

Aragorn looked up at Legolas and said loud enough for Legolas to hear. "But now he won't come down, will he Legolas?"

Legolas remained defiant to the ranger from the north. "The trees have right! The trees need to live outdoors!"

Merry raised an eyebrow. "How would you know?"

Legolas closed his eyes and looked dramatic. "They speak to me." He murmured as a breeze from an unknown source ruffled his hair. "I feel their presence."

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "I think he's insane." He whispered to Merry and Pippin, who both nodded.

"It's the influence of this world. It's wearing off on him." Pippin whispered back, looking wise.

Just then, a mall security guard walking by glanced up in the tree and spotted Legolas. "Sir, please get out of the artificial tree!" He shouted up at Legolas.

Legolas looked startled and nearly fell out of the tree. "Artificial?"

"Means fake." The guard responded before continuing on his routine.

"I knew that." Legolas muttered as he climbed out of the tree.

"So Legolas." Gimili began once the Elf was back on the ground. "How can the trees speak to you if they are fake?"

Legolas gave him a frosty glare. "Shut up."

Aragorn gave Merry and Pippin a sly smile before turning to the Elf. "You know that in Elvish, Legolas means green leaf right?"

Legolas gave him a weird look, one that he would have given an Elf in an artificial tree. "Yeah...Legolas Greenleaf is what I have been called by some."

Aragorn smirked. "So, you're name is really Green leaf, green leaf?"

As the rest of the fellowship broke out into laughter, Legolas turned to Aragorn. "Want to know what your name means in Elvish?"

Aragorn shrugged. "Sure."

"Royal tree." Legolas stated as the rest of the fellowship began laughing even harder.

Long after Frodo, Sam, and Gimili stopped laughing, Merry and Pippin were still holding their sides as giggles took control of them.

"Hey...hey Merry...want to know...what...what royal tree spelled backwards is?" Pippin gased between giggles.

"Oh my gosh, I think I know!" Merry exclaimed, his eyes flowing with tears of laughter.

"Eert loyar!" Pippin and Merry both shouted before falling on the ground and rolling around with laughter. The rest of the fellowship stared blankly.

"That's not funny." Aragorn noted, giving each of the hobbits a blank look.

"I think it's funny." Legolas muttered, earning a reproachful look from the ranger, which was exactly what he wanted.

Aragorn looked around for something that would allow him to get back at Legolas. He found a plastic leaf that had fallen not far from the artificial tree. "Look Legolas!" He cried, picking it up and holding it in front of the Elf's blue-grey eyes. "It's you!"

Legolas rolled his eyes. "That's old. I've heard that one before." He walked over to the articial tree and carved a crown into it. "Look Aragorn!" Legolas said in perfect imitation of Aragorn. "It's you!"

Aragorn glared at the Elf. "That's not funny either."

"Hey, where's Gimili?" Pippin asked all of a sudden.

Everyone looked around, but the dwarf was no where to be found.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**So now Gimili has mysteriously vanished, a mall Santa has been beated up, and there is still no sign of Gandalf! What is happening to the fellowship? Are they breaking at last? Prepare for more mishaps at the mall when I return! vanishes**

**reappears And to Manwathiel, Killing Perfectionist, luthien thranduilion, and phylitr, you all recieve minature artificial trees! Thanks so much for reviewing!**

**And if anyone wants to review, they can, because while I might seem evil at times, deep down inside I am really a nice person. Really. winks**

**Thankies!**


	6. The fellowship breaks

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer**: The fellowship are currently staying at my house while undercover. Please knock once if you wish to enter. Please knock twice if you wish to claim a fellowship member as your own, then knock once for Legolas, twice for Aragorn, three times for Merry, four times for Pippin, five times for Frodo, six times for Sam, seven times for Gimili, eight times for Gandalf, and nine times for Boromir. (Only, Boromir is currently classified as a limitied edition because of his habit of dying and disappearing and all). All the ideas used in this are MINE! So if you steal them, I steal back my fellowship! Authoress locks the door of her closet. Enjoy!

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

The fellowship searches their surrondings for any signs of Gimili, though Legolas and Aragorn aren't putting in as much of an effort as the hobbits. Suddenly, Sam points to a store. "There he is!"

Sure enough, Gimili can be seen inside a jewelry store.

Legolas rolled his eyes. "He's obsessed."

Aragorn shrugged, then smiled. "Well, he's happy. Let's leave him there and go about our business."

Legolas and Aragorn began to walk away.

"Wait!" Frodo cried. Legolas and Aragorn looked over their shoulders. "We can't just leave him there!"

"Sure we can. What's stopping us?" Aragorn asked.

The hobbits looked confused. All of a sudden their virtuous leader seemed to have lost his virtues. "We have to stick together." Merry said finally, his voice hard and determined.

Legolas raised his eyebrow and gave the hobbit a weird look. "No we don't. Not once in my contract does it mention the fact that I can't ditch you guys whenever I feel like it. I mean, look what Gandalf did."

Aragorn nodded in agremmment. "Yeah, he's gone."

"But...but..." All four hobbits gave Aragorn and Legolas the famous puppy-dog eyes look.

Aragorn sighed. "Come on then. Let's go get him."

The fellowship walked into the store where Gimili is trying on all the jewelry he can get on. "Hey, Legolas! I think I found something that would look really good on you!" He held up a ring with a ruby the size of a golf ball on it.

Legolas shuddered. "No thanks."

Gimili looked confused. "Why not?"

Legolas shuddered again. "Sorry, but that ring is incredibly tacky."

"Besides, red is so not your color." Aragorn added.

"I agree." Legolas turned back to Gimili. "Gimili, we are going to try to find Gandalf."

"Why would we want to do that?" Gimili asked, looking confused again.

"Aragorn said so." Legolas said simply. Aragorn began to nod, then stopped confused. He frantically searched his memory for any time he had said such a thing.

"All right I guess." Gimili muttered before placing all the jewelry on the counter.

The fellowship walked out of the jewelry store and began to wander through the mall again. As they passed by a movie store, they see a poster advertising the Lord of the Rings.

"Oh my gosh! Look at me! There I am!" Legolas exclaimed. He ran into the store, leaving the fellowship staring after him. Two minutes later, he came out clutching a package to his chest.

"What's that?" Aragorn asked curiously.

Legolas clutched the package to his chest. "Nothing! It's mine!"

"We figured you'd say that." Aragorn grinned evilly before pointing at Legolas dramatically. "Attack!"

The hobbits jumped on top of Legolas and started to attack him. Aragorn grabbed the package and opened it. A bunch of pictures of Legolas fell out.

"No!" Legolas made a grab for the pictures. "They're mine! All mine!"

"Hold him down guys." Aragorn commanded. The hobbits dogpiled Legolas as Aragorn began to sort through the pictures. "You didn't get any of me? What's wrong with you?"

Legolas was gasping for air and turning blue. "_Hobbits...suffocating me...can't breathe...dying..._"

Aragorn piled the pictures back into the bag as Gimili gave Legolas a concerned look. "Shouldn't they get off him now?"

Aragorn didn't look up. "Elves are immortal Gimili. He can hold a bit longer."

"Yes, but his face is a horrible shade of purple. I'm not sure it suites him." Aragorn finally looked up at Gimili's words.

"Yeah, you're right. Okay guys, get off him." Aragorn waved a hand toward the hobbits, who got off of the blonde Elf. Legolas lay on the floor, gasping for breath as Aragorn threw the package at his feet. "Here are your pictures back. I don't want them. Come on. Let's go find Gandalf."

The fellowship wandered throughout the mall until they arrived in the food court, where they finally find Gandalf. He is sipping a cup of black coffee and occasionally twitches abnormally.

He spots them and waves them over energetically. "HellowantsomecoffeeAragornohcomeonyouknowyoudowhywouldn'tyouwantsomecoffeeImeanhellothis

stuffisamazingIloveitWhenwegetbacktoGondorI'llbringsomeofittoFaramirit'llperkhimrightup."

Legolas's eyes grew wide. He started to back away slowly.

Aragorn looked interested. "What is this coffee that you speak of?"

"HereIwillorderyousome." Gandalf flagged down a waitress. Soon the coffee arrives.

Aragorn took a sip, then raised his eyebrows. "Wow. This is pretty good stuff."

Gimili looked interested now. "Can I have a bit of yours laddie?" He asked Legolas.

Legolas pushed his away from him. "You cna have it all. I don't like it."

Meanwhile, the hobbits were looking bored. "Don't they have any beer?" Pippin asked.

"Let's go find out." Merry pointed to a counter. The hobbits walked over to the counter. Since they were too short to see over it, Pippin stood on Sam's shoulders. "Excuse me sir. Do you have any beer?"

The salesman laughed. "Of course I have beer, but I'm not allowed to sell it to you. There is a drinking age limit after all."

Pippin exchanged a look with Merry, then turned back to the man. "So, how old do you have to be then?"

"At least twenty-one." The salesman replied, eyeing the four hobbits suspiciously.

Pippin smiled in relief. "Well, I'm forty-five, so it shouldn't be a problem."

The salesman eyed him warily. "You don't look forty-five."

Now Pippin was getting annoyed. He slammed his hand on the counter in irritation. "Does it really matter? Just hand over the beer!"

The salesman shrugged. "I'm afraid I can't do that."

Pippin narrowed his eyes. "Then you leave us no choice." He pointed a finger dramatically at the salesman. "Attack!"

Merry, Sam, and Frodo began to beat up the salesman while Pippin grabbed four bottles of beer. "Thank you. We'll see you around later."

The four hobbits wandered back to Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimili. "We are back." Merry announced. "Sorry we took so long."

Aragorn was practically bouncing off the walls, he was so hyper. "CoffeemusthavemorecoffeeIlovelovecoffeethisstuffisamazingwherecanIgetmorecoffee?"

"Coffeecoffeegottaloveyourcoffee!" Gandalf agreed, taking another sip of the caffinated drink.

"Coffeecoffeecoffee!" Gimili added, bouncing up and down in his chair.

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Don't even bother trying to talk to them They are drunk."

"Really? They do not look it." Merry watched the man, wizard and dwarf with a trained eye. "I don't believe it."

"Trust me. They are." Legolas muttered.

All four hobbits looked at each other and shrugged, then sat down and began to drink the beer. Legolas stared off into the distance for a while.

Soon Aragorn, Gimili, and Gandalf became overly hyperactive. "Let's go shopping people!" Aragorn shouted, punching his fist into the air.

"All right!" Gimili and Gandalf agreed before the trio rushed off into the mall.

Legolas sighed before getting to his feet. "Come on guys. We best go find them."

They moved after them. Frodo pointed to a furniture store. "Maybe they went into there."

Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and Legolas all walked into the furniture store. The hobbits took a quick look around, then settled into Lazy-boy recliners in front of a wide screen TV playing an American football game.

"Wow." Merry placed the beer into a cup holder on the armrest. "This feels so natural."

"Run little person with the little object!" Pippin shouted at the screen.

Legolas grew wide-eyed and began to back away slowly.

The football player scored a touchdown and all the hobbits began to jump up and down. "TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN!"

Legolas backed away a few extra steps . "What are you guys doing?"

Merry shrugged as he settled back into his chair. "I don't know. It feels so natural."

"Go team go!" Frodo exclaimed, waving his beer in the air.

"I agree with Mr. Frodo!" Sam's eyes were glued to the TV.

"You people stay here. I will go find out where Gandalf and Aragorn got off to." Legolas began to walk away quickly.

"You forgot Gimili." Frodo called after him.

Legolas turned around. "So? Who cares?"

"I'm sure someone does." Frodo muttered after a few minutes.

"Oh yeah?" Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Name five!"

Frodo scrunched up his brow in confusion. "Umm..."

Legolas walked out of the store alone and began to search for Aragorn and Gandalf.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**Well, there you have it. Now the fellowship truely is broken. Will Legolas be able to survive on his own? What trouble have Aragorn, Gimili, and Gandalf gotten themselves into? Who are the five people that actually care about Gimili? Will the fellowship be reunited? What happened to Boromir? Will the fellowship ever find their way home? What about all those beat up salesman? Where is the mall security? So many questions...**

**And please review! I encourage reviews! **

**As for Manwathiel, phylitr, luthien thrainduilion, and Killing Perfectionist, you all win a life time supply of black coffee, which especially comes in handy when one runs low on energy!**

**Thankies!**


	7. Starbucks and tacky jewelry

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer: **The fellowship is still for sale, all except for Legolas who goes to our lucky winner Manwathiel! Congradulations Manwathiel! Enjoy! As for the rest of the fellowship, they're still on the market! So if you want them, send a package of styrofoam peanuts and a glass of coconut milk to Miami 2017, where you will get your fellowship member and you will be able to see the lights go out on Broadway...but I digress... I claim all ideas, no matter how crazy they are. Enjoy!

**O.O O.O O.O O.O . O.O O.O O.O O.O**

Legolas wanders through out the mall, looking for Gandalf and Aragorn. He walks into a bookstore where security guards and the store owner are standing among the rubble, which consists of books, pages of books, and posters that were torn off the wall.

The storeowner was telling his story to the security guards and was clearly upset. "It all happened so fast. Two men and a child with a beard ran in here and tore everything apart!"

"Can you describe them?" Asked one security guard as the other one took notes.

The store owner sniffled, his eyes watery. "One was really old, one was in his fifties, and one was the size of a seven-year-old, but he had a beard!"

Legolas's elven ears perked up. "Did the seven-year-old have an Irish accent and seem especially fond of the word 'laddie'?"

The store owner and security guards stared at him. "Y-yes." The store owner stuttered, staring at Legolas. "How did you know?"

"I-" Legolas stopped short as his eyes alighted on a bookmark of himself. "Ooo...me! And look..." He moved aside some loose papers. "More of me!" He shuffled through some more bookmarks. "But I don't like this one...it makes my nose look funny...oh wait, that's Galadriel, never mind..."

The store owner and security guards stared. "You're...you're Orlando Bloom!" The store owner stammered, his eyes growing wide.

Legolas looked up briefly. "Wha...?"

The store owner grabbed a security guard's arm. "That's Orlando Bloom!" He looked back at Legolas, who was giving him a weird look. This seemed to excite him even more. "THAT'S ORLANDO BLOOM! HE'S IN MY SHOP! HE TOUCHED MY MERCHANDISE!"

Legolas straightened, the bookmarks still in his hand. "You are most undoubtebly in need of mental help. I highly recommend a high cliff you can fling yourself off of, but that isn't for everyone. My mentally challenged friend Boromir, for instance, likes waterfalls, and Merry and Pippin like gettting squashed by trees."

"HE TALKED TO ME! HE TALKED TO ME!" The store owner screamed, jumping up and down.

Legolas raised an eyebrow, then pointed to the bookmarks. "Can I have these?"

The store owner nodded so hard his head nearly fell off. "PLEASE! TAKE THEM ALL!"

Legolas rolled his eyes, then shook his head. "I don't think so."

"HE REJECTED ME! NOOO! I HAVE BEEN WOUNDED MORTALLY!" The store owner began to sob heartbrokenly.

Legolas walked out of the store, bookmarks in hand. He began wandering through the mall again. Many people began to stop and stare, but he appeared not to notice...to them anyway.

"What the heck is wrong with these people?" Legolas muttered, scanning the crowd for any sign of the wizard or the ranger. "They're all possessed or something." All of a sudden, he got an idea. "I bet Saurman is controlling them!" His breath caught in his throat as he spun around quickly, looking for potential enemies. "I must find Aragorn and Gandalf!"

He spied a bunch of security guards in a jewelry store, and ignoring the tape across the door that says 'Do not enter, crime scene', he walks in.

Again there is a store owner, and again she is upset. "I really don't know what happened." She explained to the security guards, looking tearful. "A crazy old man just ran in and pinned me to the wall with a staff, and this fifty-year-old guy was jumping up and down on the counter while singing, and this seven-year-old with a beard was taking all the jewelry!"

"Is there anything else you remember besides the staff, sword, and ax?" The security guard asked, his brow furrowed with concern.

The store owner cocked her head and strained to remember. "Well...they all had cups of black coffee."

Legolas decided to interupt again. "Did that old man have a lot of hair?" The store owner nodded, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. "Which way did they go?"

. "They went that..." The store owner stopped and stared. "You're...you're...ORLANDO BLOOM!"

Legolas finally snapped. "I am not this Bloom guy! I am Legolas! Now, which way did they go?"

"They went to the left." The store owner lunged for Legolas, brandishing paper and a pen. "ORLANDO BLOOM! SIGN AN AUTOGRAPH FOR ME!"

Legolas backed away. "Sorry, but when you are a wolf stalking a deer, you don't stop for the rabbits."

He left the shop and wandered a bit more before he came across a Starbucks. Aragorn is standing at the counter, and Legolas enters the store, heading toward his friend.

"GivemecoffeegivemecoffeeIwannacoffeegimmiegimmiecoffee!" Aragorn demanded, banging his fist on the counter rapidly.

"No!" The Starbucks employee responded. "You didn't pay for the last one!"

Aragorn's eyes bulged and glowed with a maniac-like light. "**GIMMIEACOFFEEIWANNACOFFEEGIMMIEACOFFEENOW!"**

The Starbucks employee quickly thrust another coffee at him, her eyes wide with fear. "Fine! Here! Don't come back!"

Aragorn began to drink the coffee, but before he could drink it, Legolas ran forward and grabbed the cup out of his hands. He threw it at the Starbucks owner angrily. "Don't you know better then to give him stuff like that? Crazy lunatic!" Legolas siezed Aragorn around the waist and dragged him away.

"Nooo!" Aragorn sobbed, struggling against Legolas's grip. "CoffeenoIneedacoffeecomeonandbringmycoffeeback!"

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Listen to me Aragorn!"

Aragorn sniffled, while he struggled. "What?"

"This place is being run by Saruman!" Legolas dodged a blow at his head. "We must get out of here Aragorn!"

Legolas's words brought Aragorn back to his senses. "Why didn't you say anything before?"

Legolas rolled his eyes again. "It was kind of hard to get anything through to you." Legolas started off in the direction he had came in. "Come on! Let's go!"

Aragorn remained standing where he was. "Before we go...uhh...could we make a rest stop? I have to go...bad."

Legolas stopped and stared at the ranger. "What?"

"I have to go!" Aragorn explained, spreading his hands.

"That's what I said." Legolas pointed out. "Why aren't you moving?"

"No." Aragorn said, shaking his head. "I have to **go**!"

"Then move!" Legolas was starting to get frustrated.

"But where?" Aragorn asked, looking around widely.

Legolas raised his eyebrow. "Are you crazy or something?" He turned around. "Let's go."

"Yes!" Aragorn smiled, thinking he had gotten his point across. "Let's!"

"Come on then!" Legolas called over his shoulder before he began running.

"I can't!" Aragorn called after him.

Legolas stopped and turned around in disgust. The elf was beginning to wish he had never found the ranger. "Why not? Make up your mind!"

Aragorn began to sweat. "I have to go!"

"So come on then!" Legolas half-shouted in his frustration. All grace of the Valar was beginning to wear off.

Meanwhile, Gimili strolled up to Aragorn. He was totally covered in jewelry. "Waz up laddie?"

"I have to go!" Aragorn moaned. He was losing control and getting desperate.

"Come on then!" Gimili said, starting toward Legolas.

"I can't." Aragorn protested.

"Oh, suck it up laddie!" Gimili laughed before punching Aragorn in the abdomen.

Aragorn moaned and doubled over, clutching his stomach. "Oh, Mexico."

"What's wrong with him?" Gimili asked Legolas, who had come over to see if Aragorn was all right.

Aragorn ignored his companions and hailed down a securtiy guard who was walking past. "Sir! Where can I relieve myself?"

The guard pointed farther down the mall. "Bathrooms are that way, to your left."

"THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!" Aragorn shouted, much to the surprise of Legolas and Gimili. He ran off through the mall.

"Wait until Arwen hears about this." Legolas muttered as he and Gimili chased after Aragorn.

Aragorn ran into the girls bathroom. Soon screams are heard and a bunch of girls run out.

"Come back ladies!" Gimili called, sprinting after the girls.

"Hmm...that's funny." Legolas remarked as Aragorn came out of the bathroom.

"What is?" Aragorn asked in curiousity.

"That sign says 'Girls Bathroom'." Legolas noted.

"So?" Aragorn asked, looking non-plussed.

"I think it was for girls only." Legolas shrugged. "I could be wrong."

Aragorn raised one shoulder. "Oh. Well, no one cared."

"Then why did they run out screaming?" Legolas asked as the screams faded into the other mall noise.

Aragorn looked after them. "These people do that all the time. Especially when they see you, though I don't know why."

"Neither do I." Legolas sighed. "I wish they would stop calling me Bloom. Do I look like a flower to you?"

"Only when you're dressed in green." Aragorn pointed out.

Legolas gave the Gondorian a funny look. "I wear green all the time."

Aragorn grinned and shrugged. "Then you can't blame them, can you?"

"Stupid Gondorian." Muttered Legolas, shooting Aragorn a dark look.

"What was that?" Aragorn asked, his voice soft but dangerous.

"Uhh..." Legolas thought quickly. "Lots of pandimonium?"

"Riiiiiight." Aragorn nodded, then scanned his surrondings, looking for an exit. He spotted a door, then started running towards it. "Let's get out of here."

"What about the hobbits and Gandalf?" Legolas asked, hurrying to catch up to Aragorn.

Aragorn stopped, then gave the Elf a weird look. "Does it matter?"

Legolas gave Aragorn puppy-dog eyes. "But...but..."

"Out with it already." Aragorn snapped, his patience waning.

"Merry and Pippin are cool! Not as cool of us of course." Legolas added, glancing at the look on Aragorn's face. "But they still are."

"You're right." Aragorn struck a dramatic pose. "We must rescue them from the horrible fate of being stuck with Frodo and Sam! Let us go!"

Aragorn and Legolas raced off to the furniture store, praying that they were not to late to save Merry and Pippin from torment and certain death.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O . O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**So there are you have it. Merry and Pippin are in danger and need rescuing. Meanwhile, what has become of Gandalf? Don't forget, the fate of Boromir is still unknown, because after all, he is impossible to kill...believe me...I've tried...**

**Many thanks to Manwathiel, Misty005, Goddess of Idun, phylitr, luthien thrainduilion, and Killing Perfectionist for being so kind and reviewing! You all win a life time supply of bookmarks, and three rings from the Elven kings, under the clear blue sky! Only don't tell the Elven kings that I stole them...**

**Feel free to review! Thankies!**


	8. Of bookmarks and bikinis

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer: **Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, Gandalf, and Boromir are still up for sale! Get your fellowship members while they last! The ideas are all mine! Enjoy!

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O . O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

Legolas and Aragorn return to the furniture store, where the hobbits are still watching American football.

"I found Aragorn." Legolas announced as he and Aragorn entered the store. The hobbits said nothing, their eyes still glued to the screen. "Hobbits?" Legolas asked uncertainly.

Just then a touchdown was made and the hobbits jump up screaming, startling the Elf and the ranger.

"YAY! THEY DID IT! WE WON!" Pippin and Merry shouted, doing a victory dance.

"!$ our team lost." Frodo muttered, kicking his beer bottle across the room.

"Let's get out of here Mr. Frodo." Sam said while shooting dark looks at Merry and Pippin.

Frodo and Sam left, both looking extremely grumpy.

"There you guys are." Merry said after the victory dance was complete. "We've been waiting."

"So now where are we going?" Pippin asked, his face full of curiousity.

Merry shrugged. "Don't ask me. Aragorn is the leader."

Legolas felt annoyed. After all, he was the eldest. "Since when?"

Merry and Pippin looked at each other, then shrugged. "I don't know."

Aragorn raised an eyebrow. "Do you doubt my word Legolas?" He asked in a dangerous voice.

"After you drank that stuff?" Legolas nodded. "Yes."

While he was nodding, Pippin noticed a package in the Elf's hand. "What's that you got there Legolas?"

Legolas put the bookmarks behind his back and took three steps backwards. "Nothing..."

Aragorn struck a dramatic pose. "ATTACK!" He shouted, pointing at Legolas.

Merry and Pippin jumped on top of Legolas and Aragorn got the bookmarks. Ignoring Legolas's pleas and cries for help, he opened the package and flipped through the bookmarks. "Only of you? What's your problem you dumb Elf?"

"_I can't breathe." _Legolas gasped, his face turning blue. "_I'm dying...good bye..."_

Aragorn ripped up the bookmarks in disgust. "Those were junk anyway. Come on. Let's go."

Merry and Pippin got off of Legolas and he stood up. His eyes lit upon the torn up fragements of himself and anger began to build inside of him. "You ripped me up." He muttered quietly.

"Hmm?" Asked Aragorn, who was being distracted by a couple of women walking past.

"YOU RIPPED ME UP!." Legolas roared. He lunged for Aragorn. "YOU MUST DIE!"

"What? OMG!" Aragorn reliazed at the last possible second that the Elf was coming for him. He dodged the attack and began to run.

Legolas got to his feet and struck a dramatic pose. "ATTACK HIM!" He yelled before running after Aragorn, who had run into Sears.

"Boy, he sure is mad." Merry noted, watching the pair recede into the distance.

"I hope Aragorn knows a good hiding place." Pippin agreed before the two hobbits ran after the Elf and the ranger.

They walk into the women's bathing suit department. aragorn is standing with some plastic models that are on display. He was a pink Hawaiian print bikini on for a disguise.

"Look at that ugly human." Merry said, pointing at Aragorn. Aragorn's nose twitched, but since Legolas was stalking around in the general area, he couldn't move.

"I like what she's wearing though." Pippin noted, then looked around. "I want some."

Merry began to search too and spotted the women's lingerie department. "Look! There's some!"

Merry and Pippin put on the women's lingerie and then resume their search for Legolas. They find him stalking around in the home appliance section looking for Aragorn. As soon as he saw them approaching, he stopped and stared, looking horrified. "What the heck are you wearing?"

"I don't know." Merry struck a pose. "Aren't they fashionable?"

Legolas began to back away, his eyes wide. "Get away from me! I don't know you!"

"Yes you do. I'm Pippin, remember?" Pippin asked as the hobbits advanced on the terrified Elf.

"No!" Legolas threw his hands up in front of his face. "Stay away!"

The hobbits did not stop their advance on Legolas. "Legolas?" Merry asked, trying to get through to the Elf. "Hello?"

Legolas suddenly snapped. He seized Pippin. "No! I will not be captured!" Ignoring the hobbits cries, he tossed Pippin into a washer, slamming the lid shut. He then rounded on Merry and flung him into a refrigerator. He looked around quickly, then casually walked away and resumed his search for Aragorn. His search led him into the shoe department.

Legolas heard footsteps behind him, then a voice he hoped he would never hear again. "Hey Legolas."

Legolas turned around and found himself face to face with Frodo, who was wearing stilletos. The Elf raised an eyebrow. "What are you wearing?"

Frodo shrugged, then struck a pose. "I don't know. Aren't they fashionable?"

"No. Leave me alone." He walked away, but Frodo insisted on following him.

"What's wrong?" Frodo asked, his blue eyes full of concern.

Legolas finally snapped. "Stop following me!" He yelled before picking him up and slamming him into the ground. Frodo tried to move but his heels were stuck in the floor.

"Help me Sam!" The hobbit cried, struggling to move his feet.

Legolas threw back his head and laughed evilly. "No one can help you now!"

A lone figure charged from the women's purse department into Legolas, knocking him to the ground. Legolas blinked in surprise and then winced as the figure began to whack him with a purse.

"You...hit...Mr...Frodo...die...stupid...Elf..." Sam screamed, beating Legolas over the head with the purse without mercy.

Legolas cocked his head as if he were listening. "Is that someone I hear giving away free food?"

Sam hopped off Legolas and looked around, his face eager. "What? Where?"

Legolas jumped to his feet and knocked Sam out with a shoebox. He left Frodo standing over Sam's body, then headed up the escalator. He wandered into the bedroom department. There he found Gandalf asleep in a bed designed for children.

"Gandalf!" Legolas muttered, shaking the wizard's shoulder. "Wake up."

Gandalf woke up and blinked in confusion. "Where am I?"

Legolas shrugged. "I don't know."

Gandalf looked around, his eyes blurry. "Is this the Halls of Mandos?"

Legolas shook his head violently. "Definately not. Have you seen Aragorn?"

There was a pause as Gandalf thought about it. "No." He said finally, shaking his head.

"Go back to sleep then." Legolas commanded before going after Aragorn again. He wandered into the houseware section of the mall, where he found Aragorn trying to hide and failing.

Legolas seized a frying pan from a nearby shelf. "YOU RIPPED ME UP! DIE!"

Legolas whacked Aragorn over the head with the frying pan and Aragorn fell to the ground. Legolas placed the pan back on to the shelf, then helped Aragorn to his feet. "Let's get out of here."

Aragorn nodded, then looked confused. "Wait, what about Merry and Pippin?"

Legolas shurgged. "I left them somewhere where I would remember them. Come on."

The duo walked back to the appliance section and let Merry out of the refrigerator and Pippin out of the washer.

"Aragorn! You're alive!" Pippin gasped, his eyes round with amazement.

"Of course he's alive." Legolas snapped. "Why wouldn't he be? Now take those ridiculous things off and let's get out of here."

"Quickly." Aragorn added, before the hobbits ran off to change.

After several hours the fellowship made it out of the mall and wandered back to the subway, where they boarded a train.

"Finally, we're headed home." Legolas sighed as the train pulled away from the station, leaving New York far behind them.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O . O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**So there you have it. Next chapter up! Finally...took me long enough...but anyway, I'm sorry but I won't be able to post my reviewers at the bottom of the page anymore, apparently its against the rules or something, but once you review, I will give you your just desserts! Or whatever that saying is...**

**But don't worry, this is NOT the end of the story! There's more chapters to come! So keep reading, its not over yet!**

**Please review! Thankies!**


	9. Missing contacts and bloody noses

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer:** WHERE HAS THE FELLOWSHIP GONE::Authoress blinks innocently, then runs.: All ideas are mine! Prepare to be amazed!

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O . O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

Legolas stepped out of the train first. Instead of being greeted by the familiar plains of Rohan, he saw landscape that was unfamiliar to him. "Are you sure that this was the right train?"

Aragorn, Merry, and Pippin all filed out of the train after him, blinking in the bright sunshine. "What is this place?" Aragorn asked, awe creeping into his voice.

"We should have never let Pippin pick the train." Merry muttered, shaking his head.

Pippin rounded on Merry and put his hands on his hips. "And how was I supposed to know, hmm?"

Merry shrugged. After about two minutes of discussing the group decided to explore the strange new land. They wandered for a half an hour until they came upon a castle, which was set near a forest and a lake.

"Well Legolas? What do your elf-eyes see?" Aragorn demanded, squinting in the direction of some moving figures.

Legolas shrugged. To tell the truth he had forgotten to put his contacts in. "They don't look hostile."

Aragorn eyed him suspiciously. "That's not your usual answer. Usually there is more detail."

"Well I don't feel like giving detail." Legolas gave him a huffy look before hunching his shoulders and striding bravely toward the moving figures. Aragrom hurried to catch up as Merry and Pippin lagged behind, watching cautiously.

"I think Legolas has lost his mind." Pippin whispered, his eyes wide.

"You may be right." Merry looked around quickly before motioning Pippin closer. "Stay close Pip."

As they neared the caste, the figures evolved into humans, all of which were wearing black robes. About 100 feet away from the school, one who was running past stopped and stared at Aragorn. Brushing his long scraggily hair out of his eyes, he gazed at Aragorn, who gazed back.

"Woah!" Aragorn and the stranger shouted at the same time. "It's my twin!"

Legolas and the two hobbits stared. Aragorn and the stranger did look very much alike.

The stranger looked around and spotted Merry and Pippin gawking at him. "Woah! Small people!"

Merry and PIppin immeadiately glared at him. "Excuse me!" Merry exclaimed hotly. "But we are NOT small."

"In fact, we're very tall for our age." Pippin added, looking smug.

The stranger held up his hands. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to upset you. Have I introduced myself? I'm Sirius Black." Sirius looked back at the hobbits. "So, it's true that you're tall for your age?"

Merry straightened up proudly. "Yes, it is true."

"We're hobbits." Pippin added. "From the Shire."

"Cool!" Sirius exclaimed, before spotting another teen walking across the grass. "HEY REMIE-BABY! OVER HERE!"

Remus Lupin stomped over, his face a thundercloud. "My. Name. Is. Not. Remie-baby!"

Sirius laughed a very barklike laugh before turning to the fellowship. "Guys, this is Remus...Remus this is..." Sirius paused after he realized he forgot to ask the strangers what their names were. Remus rolled his eyes.

"I'm Meriodic Brandybuck." Merry said, stepping foreward after an awkward silence. "But everyone calls me Merry."

"I'm Peregin Took." Pippin added, chiming right in. "But most everyone calls me Pippin. Or they call me Pip if they're down right lazy."

Merry began to nod, then stopped. "Hey, I call you Pip." He whispered to Pippin.

"Exactly." Pippin whispered back, looking smug.

"I'm Legolas, son of Thrainduil, Prince of Mirkwood." Legolas said, announcing himself as the hobbits whispered.

"And I'm Aragorn." Aragorn struck a pose as his voice became more heroic. "Son of Arathorn, King of Gondor."

Sirius nodded, looking over all of them. "Cool. Are you guys related?"

Legolas and Aragorn suddenly looked horrified. "NO!" They both shouted at once, jumping away from Merry and Pippin and from each other.

"Pippin and I are cousins." Merry said, wondering what had just happened.

"Cool!" Sirius put an arm around Remus, who quickly pushed it off. "Remie-baby and I are best friends."

"Were." Remus muttered before looking over Aragorn more closely. "Hey, Aragorn looks exactly like you Sirius!"

"Yeah." Sirius nodded, lookng back at Aragorn. "That is scary."

There was few more minutes of awkward staring.

"So." Remus said, finally breaking the silence. "Where are you guys from?"

"Well, we're from the Hobbiton area in the Shire." Pippin explained, making a gesture between Merry and himself.

"I'm from Minas Tirith, the White City!" Aragorn proclaimed, striking a dramatic pose. "Capital city of Gondor."

"And I'm from the Woodland Realm in Mirkwood." Legolas muttered before edging away from Aragorn.

"Where's that?" Sirius asked, looking interested.

"Middle-Earth." Aragorn replied, full of pride.

"Oh yeah..." Remus nodded, looking thoughtful. "Tolkien wrote about that land."

"So, if we're not in Middle Earth, where are we?" Legolas asked.

"Hogwarts, in England." Sirius replied.

"Oh..." Aragorn said, and suddenly he was struck by the lightning of enlightenment, giving him knowledge about the world they had ended up in. "Didn't J.K.Rowling copy Tolkien and make this place?"

"Yeah. Kinda stinks I'm based on some one else when I'm as cool as I am..." Sirius kicked sadly at a random clump of grass.

There was another awkard silence, only this time everyone looked somewhere else.

"Are you guys hungry?" Remus asked, remembering that hobbits are always hungry.

"YES!" Pippin exclaimed loudly, his stomach rumbling.

"We didn't even have second breakfast!" Merry added before glaring at Legolas and Aragorn. "Because a couple of certain some ones couldn't stop argueing..."

"We can get dinner in the Great Hall." Remus said before motioning over his shoulder. "Come on!"

The remaining fellowship followed Remus and Sirius into Hogwarts. However, as soon as they step inside the castle, they are greeted by an unwelcome person...Severus Snape.

"Hey sweetheart." Snape sneered, sideling up to Legolas. "The girls dormitory is to your left."

Legolas stared, his mouth open in shock. Finally, he managed to stutter, "Are...are you _hitting_ on me?"

When Aragorn was struck with the lightning of enlightenment, the ability to use modern slang must have rubbed off on Legolas.

Snape ran a hand through his greasy hair, then looked back over at Aragorn, Sirius, Remus, Merry and Pippin. "That depends. Which one is your boyfriend?"

The rest of the fellowship stared in horror, then slowly began to back away, Sirius and Remus with them. Just the thought of being the boyfriend of Legolas gave them horrible mental images.

Legolas was not entertaining those thoughts either. "Allow me to pound you, Grima Wormtounge." He snarled, cracking his knuckles.

This mistake in identity was obviously the result of the absence of Legolas's contacts, but fortunately the events that followed wouldn't have been altered much.

Snape's eyes widened. "I'm not Wormtail, I'm-"

In a few brief seconds Snape found himself with a bloody nose, trussed up to a statue in the Main Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It took three professors and five unwilling students to finally get the big-nosed, greasy-haired git down.

The fellowship entered the Great Hall and sat down. Merry and Pippin stared at the empty plates before them.

"So." Pippin said after a bit. "Where's the food?"

"A few more seconds." Remus muttered. Sure enough, a few seconds later the plates were mounted with food. Merry and Pippin's eyes grew wide. They had never seen so much food on one table. Immeadiately the hobbits dug in.

Legolas poked some jello cautiously with his fork. "What is this stuff?"

When the lightning of enlightenment struck Aragorn, it did not give Legolas knowledge of unknown foods either. Pity.

"Try some." Aragorn said, his mouth full of food. "You'll like it."

Legolas poked it again and watched it move before putting his fork down. "I'm not hungry anymore."

"If you don't want it..." A boy with black messy hair and hazel eyes took the opportunity to swipe it from Legolas.

Legolas raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "James, don't be rude." To Legolas he said, "This is James Potter. He's a friend of Sirius and I's."

Legolas nodded, still watching James warily, who by now had turned to talk to a red-head sitting next to him. "If he wants to eat that nasty stuff, be my guest."

"You didn't try any. How do you know it's nasty?" Merry asked, munching on a drumstick happily.

He failed to notice the Elf's icy gaze. "Because I do." Legolas said simply before sticking out his tounge at Aragorn, who was smirking.

"So, what do you do for fun around here?" Aragorn asked Sirius halfway through the meal.

Sirius looked at Remus, who shrugged. "We usually play Quidditch."

"Quidditch?" Aragorn asked, confused.

The lightning of enlightenment did not give Aragorn the knowledge of sports that are popular in the wizarding world. Too bad.

Siruis nearly choked on his food. "You've never heard of Quidditch? It's awesome, you'll love it!" Sirius began describing the game in detail to Sirius, who was paying rapt attention. "And there's a game tonight, you guys should come!" Sirius exclaimed at the end of his speech.

"So sorry, but we're leaving now." Legolas said standing. He had heard all he wanted to hear about Quidditch and decided that it would be too dangerous. "Come on, let's go."

"Geez." Sirius whispered to Aragorn on the way back to the platform. "He sure is a stick in the mud, isn't he?"

"You have no idea." Aragorn muttered, glaring at the Elf's back.

"Well, I have an idea. What if we..." Sirius began to whisper in Aragorn's ear. By the time they had reached the platform, Sirius and Aragorn had a plan.

One that would cause Legolas's blood pressure to increase dramatically.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O . O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**TA DA:Dramatic music plays: So, what do you think? Am I out of my mind? Most definately! And to all those J.K. Rowling fans, I didn't mean a word I said about her! She's a wonderful author! Please don't kill me::runs: Review review review, and I will get back to you! Thankies:Dances off happily:**


	10. Welcome to the caribbean love

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer: **What do you mean you can't find the fellowship? closes closet door guiltilyI have no idea what you are talking about officer, I certainly have not taken the fellowship anywhere! shifty eyes All ideas are mine! Enjoy!

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O . O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

The fellowship boarded the train, Aragorn rushing on so fast that Legolas couldn't see the expression on his face.

"Weird." Muttered the Elf, his brow furrowing. "He must have really have hated it here." He boarded the train after the two hobbits, who were looking sad. They didn't want to leave the huge tables with the magically appearing food.

The fellowship procceeded to wave good-bye to Remus and Sirius. Since Legolas didn't have his contacts in, Sirius and Remus looked blurry. As the train began to pull away, one of the figures began to chase the train.

"Aww...Sirius doesn't want us to go." Pippin said sadly, watching the human chase the train. He, unlike Legolas, had 20/20 hobbit vision.

"We should have stayed." Merry pouted after the train sped up and Sirius was put out of view.

Legolas sighed before turning to Aragorn. "So now what?"

Sirius shrugged. "How am I supposed to know? I'm new to all of this!"

Legolas stared, then exploded. "WHO THE HECK ARE YOU? WHERE'S ARAGORN? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

Sirius appeared unaffected by this explosion. "Don't worry. I'll go back to Hogwarts and we'll get him."

Sirius strode up to the front of the train, then knocked out the driver. He proceeded to take over the controls and put the train in reverse.

"We'll be back in no time." He said to Legolas, who sat down huffily in one of the plastic chairs and folded his arms, looking cross.

"How do you know how to drive one of these things anyway?" Merry asked curiously, watching Sirius manuever the complicated looking controls.

"I just do." Sirius said loudly, looking over at Legolas. "Just between you and me." He whispered to Merry. "I don't. I'm improvising."

Merry returned to his seat next to Pippin with a smug expression on his face. Pippin looked extremely curious.

"What happened?" Pippin asked, his face bright with curiousity.

"I can't tell you." Merry replied, looking superior.

Pippin sank down in his seat, looking as grumpy as Legolas.

Suddenly, a train appeared behind them, quickly gaining on them.

"What gives?" Sirius muttered, peering through the rear view mirror.

All of a sudden, high pitched maniac laughter was heard. Merry and Pippin clultched their ears in horror. Sirius turned a deathly shade of white.

"Oh no!" Siruis yelled over the laughter. "It's Mr. Potter! James's physco dad!"

Legolas jumped to his feet and was about to pull out his knives when he was thrown to the floor by the sudden acceleration of the train as Sirius gunned the engine. The train sped up and flew past the Hogwarts platform. Finally Mr. Potter's train is left behind them.

Legolas pulled himself off of the floor shakily. "So, who was that again?"

"That was Mr. Potter." Sirius explained, smoothly manuevering the controls. "He's James's physco dad. He tries to kill me on occasion."

Legolas nodded, then sat down. "Aragorn has a physco dad too."

"Really?" Asked Sirius, looking interested.

"His name is Lord Elrond. He can become very hostile, depending on what you do to him." Legolas shrugged. "He tried to kill me once."

All of a sudden, the train emerged into searing bright sunshine. Out of the window, an ocean and docks are visible. Sirius slowed the train and brought it to a stop at another platform.

"Where are we?" Merry asked, stepping out of the train first and into the bright sunshine.

Legolas, Sirius, and Pippin all get off and look around. Legolas wanders away from the rest of the group and is peering into the distance when all of a sudden, a figure pops up right next to him.

"Welcome to the caribbean love." The figure slurred, stuffing a bottle of rum into his hands.

Legolas dropped the bottle, where it shattered with a sound that brought Sirius, Merry, and Pippin running. Legolas closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before exploding yet again. "WHAT? WHY IS EVERYONE ASSUMING I'M A GIRL? DO I LOOK FEMININE?"

"Are we supposed to answer that question?" Pippin whispered to Merry, who shrugged.

Legolas's screaming also attracted another person, who promptly ran up and seized the drunk's arm.

"Jack! There you are!" The figure turned back to Legolas. "I'm sorry, he's usually not like this." The second figure stopped and stared at Legolas. "You look familiar. Have we met?"

Legolas shook his head. "I don't think so. Who are you?"

"Will Turner." Will stuck out his hand and Legolas shook it. "This is Jack Sparrow." Will added, introducing his drunken comrade.

"Captain." Jack muttered thickly. "Captain Jack Sparrow."

"I'm Legolas, son of Thrainduil, prince of Mirkwood." Legolas introduced himself, while thinking that he should advocate his title or kill his father, just to shorten his name.

"I'm Meriodic Brandybuck, but I like to be called Merry." Merry said, striking a dramatic pose.

Hey, someone had to fill in for Aragorn, right?

"I'm Peregin Took, but everyone uusally calls me Pippin." Pippin announced while taking a few steps away from Merry.

"And I'm Sirius Black." Sirius simply stated.

Will nodded, smiling. "You guys from around here?" He asked curiously.

"No. Merry, Pippin, and I are from Middle-Earth." Legolas cringed inwardly. He really didn't want to associate himself with the hobbits.

"I'm from Hogwarts in England." Sirius explained. He was going to go on, but Jack interupted.

"I like England." He slurred, his vision blurry. "Nice place. Pretty women."

Will rolled his eyes before turning back to the rest of the fellowship. "You're in Port Royal now."

"They have excellent wine." Jack muttered, before miraculuously snapping back to his sober state of mind. "Well, now that we all know each other, let's go and have a drink!"

"No Jack." Will protested, gripping his arm as the pirate tried to walk off.

Jack looked confused. "Why ever not William?"

Will resisted rolling his eyes again. "You were just drunk Jack!"

Jack shrugged, then smilied. "Just living life to the fullest mate. Can't see the harm in that."

Legolas shifted from one foot to the other. "I..well...it's nice to meet you, but we have to be going."

"Can we come with you?" Will asked, looking over his shoulder nervously. "It's just that we have a bunch of skeleton pirates chasing after us..."

"Sure!" Merry answered before Legolas could poliltely refuse. Legolas groaned inwardly. Now he had more stress to deal with.

Everyone boarded the train and Sirius started the journey back to Hogwarts.

Unfortunately for Legolas, there was more stress to come.

Sorry Legolas.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O . O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**And everyone who reviews on this chapter shall recieve their very own Jack Sparrow doll and two trunks full of sand! To all those who review, thankies very much!**

**And to those who reviewed last chapter, you shall recieve your very own coffee table that will magically supply you will snacks and drinks that you probably shouldn't have between meals! Enjoy!**


	11. The fellowship reforms

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer: **Sorry I haven't written back in a while. The Fellowship rebelled and tried to jump me last week. After escaping from my bonds, me and my army of Elves rounded them back up. And you don't want to know where we found some of them...All ideas are mine. If you steal any of them, my army of Elves will come and mow you down. End of story.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

After passing the platform seven times, the train finally arrived back at Hogwarts.

Surprisingly enough, Legolas still had all his hair intact.

Everyone piled out of the train, then looked around for some sign of Aragorn and Remus, who were no where in sight.

"Well?" Legolas demanded, whirling around to face Sirius. "Where is he?"

Sirius inched away from the angry Elf. "Come on. I think I know where they are."

"You better know where they are." Legolas muttered, shooting dark glares at everyone else as they headed across the grass toward a huge stadium. As they drew nearer, screams of delight, horror, and disappointment reached their ears, all blended into one hideous noise.

"What is that?" Merry asked, his big eyes round and fearful. "Is it...some kind of torture chamber?"

"Nah, it's a Quidditch pitch. A kind of game played in the wizarding world on a broomstick. You'll like it." Sirius explained to reassure both hobbits. Jack, Will, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, and Sirius all made their way into the Gryffindor stands and took a seat next to Remus, who was watching the match.

Legolas began scanning the crowd, looking for a sign of Aragorn. "I don't see him yet." He complained hotly to Sirius, who had the misfortune to be sitting next to him.

Sirius pulled out a pair of binnoculars and began to scan the air, catching glimpses of the players as they whizzed about. He finally centered in on one who seemed to be playing much more vigoruously then the others. Giving a bark of laughter, he handed the binnoculars to Legolas, then pointed out the direction. "There he is. He's playing Beater. That's where I would be if I was in the game."

"Where? I don't see-" Legolas held the binnoculars up to his eyes. "AAAHHH! What happened?"

"They're called binnoculars. They make your vision better." Sirius explained before turning back to the game.

"That's Aragorn." Legolas muttered, swinging the binnoculars violently in order to keep an eye on the Gondorian. "What's he doing?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I told you already. He's playing Beater. He's supposed to hit the Bludgers away from our team players."

A Gryffindor chaser scored a goal and the whole crowd jumped up, screaming enthusiastically. Well...everyone except Legolas that is...but that's besides the point.

"YEAH!" Jack shouted over the crowd. "This is awesome!"

"This is better then American Football!" Exclaimed Merry in excitement.

The crowd sat back down. Legolas was still swinging the binnoculars violently in order to keep an eye on Aragorn. He almost hit Sirius, who edged away from him again.

"Hey Legolas, I'm sure you'd be able to see if didn't use the binnoculars." Sirius muttered, then had to duck as Legolas purposely swung the binnoculars at his head.

Legolas put the binnoculars back over his eyes. After a few minutes he threw down the binnoculars in disgust and settled for watching a little dot on a broom zoom around. "Aragorn has faded from my sight." He muttered darkly. "I have lost him to the way of the mortal. All is lost."

All of a sudden, a Bludger whizzed out of nowhere and smashed into Aragorn. Aragorn was caught unaware and was thrown from his broom and into the stands.

Legolas stood up and squinted hard in the direction Aragorn had fallen. He could just barely make out a white-bearded old man making his way through the stands towards the fallen Gondorian. His blue-grey eyes widened in horror. "OH NO!"

Merry, Pippin, Sirius, Remus, Jack, and Will all looked alarmed at the sound of the elven scream. "What is it?" Merry asked, looking frightened. If Legolas was scared, then he should be terrified.

"It's Gandalf!" Merry and Pippin gasped in horror as Legolas began to shove his way through the Gryffindor stands. "Come! We must help Aragorn!"

Merry and Pippin immeadiately rushed off after Legolas. Sirius, Remus, Will, and Jack looked at each other and shrugged, then followed after their comrades.

The fellowship ran at breakneck speed toward Aragorn, but by the time they had climbed down the stands they were in, run across the Quidditch pitch, and gone up the next set of stands, Dumbledore had gotten there first.

Aragorn woke up to the grey-bearded wonder peering at him. His eyes widened before he let out a loud cry. "AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH! IT'S YOU!"

Merry skidded to a stop and pointed a finger at Dumbledore dramatically, who was looking confused. "Unhand Aragorn you son of Sauron!"

Legolas and Pippin stopped running and gasped, each looking horrifed at the horrifying insult. Jack, Will, Sirius, Remus, and Dumbledore all looked confused. Before Dumbledore had a chance to say anything, Merry flung himself at Dumbledore and knocked him to the ground where he lay unconcious.

"Come on Aragorn!" Merry commanded, hauling the King of Gondor to his feet. "We're out of here!"

Aragorn sighed, then looked longingly at the Quidditch pitch. "But I was having so much fun..."

Legolas took his arm and began to steer him towards the stairs that led out of the stands and to the grounds. "Well, let's go home and have fun, shall we?"

"But we can't fly." Aragorn said sadly.

Legolas grabbed a randomly appearing broom and shoved it into Aragorn's hands, who immeadiately brightened. "Come on!"

The fellowship ran out of the stadium and to the train station.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked as Legolas chose the train.

"Back to Middle Earth." Legolas explained, mentally slapping himself for not picking the trian earlier.

"Where there's good ale." Pippin added.

"And it comes in pints!" Merry exclaimed happily.

Sirius grinned widely. "Oooooo...can we come with you guys?"

The Merry, Pippin, Legolas, Will, Aragorn, and Jack looked at each other. Legolas shrugged. "I don't see why not."

"Yeah." Aragorn put on his thoughtful face. "Let's see...Will can be Boromir, Remus can be Sam, and Sirius can be Frodo. That leaves Jack with..."

Legolas stuffed his fingers in his ears. "I'm not listening!"

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine. I'm sorry."

Legolas unplugged his ears carefully. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Aragorn put on his thoughtful face again. "Now then, where was I? Ahh yes...Jack can be Gimili!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Legolas yelled before flinging himself on the ground. As everyone in the vicinity stared, the Elf began to sob.

"I'm sorry Legolas." Aragorn patted Legolas on the back consolingly. "But we do need nine members."

Legolas stopped sobbing and peered up at Aragorn. "What about Gandalf?"

Aragorn put on his thoughtful face again. "I never thought about him."

"Obviously." Legolas muttered darkly.

"Okay then." Aragorn turned to Jack. "You can be Gandalf."

Jack looked confused. "Who's Gandalf?"

Aragorn shrugged. "Some old guy with a big stick."

Jack frowned, looking upset. "I don't want to be an old guy with a big stick! Whose this Gimili?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Legolas screamed before burying his face in his arms and sobbing louder.

"Come on Legolas." Aragorn muttered, shaking the Prince of Mirkwood's shoulder. "You're making a scene."

Legolas sat up and sniffled, his blue-grey eyes full of tears. "It's not fair."

"I know, I know." Aragorn murmured before hauling his friend to his feet. "Now let's go."

The fellowship boarded the train.

**O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O O.O**

**I'm sorry I took a while to update, and just for that, all of you get your own flying broomstick! I've been really busy with school and all, and its been crazy...what with the fellowship escaping and all...what will I do with them...I regret to announce that this is the second to last chapter...the next chapter will be the last. Keep in touch!**

**Please review! Thankies!**


	12. Meat cleavers and french fries

**Next time we walk**

**Disclaimer: **I can't believe it...this is my last chapter. walks over to closet door Fellowship, I release you! Go where ever you want! But know this...if I ever have another idea for a Lord of the Rings fan fic, I will HUNT YOU DOWN! MWA HA HA HA!

O.O

Sorry, that was a bit off topic. All ideas are mine! You steal, you die! Enjoy!

**O.O O.O O.O O.o o.O O.O O.O O.O**

After a few minor mishaps involving a toothbrush, a skeleton, and a certain flying broom, the fellowship arrives back in Buffalo, New York. The train that is scheduled for Middle Earth won't be around for another hour.

Sirius put a hand to his stomach as it rumbled loudly. "I'm hungry. Let's eat something."

"Excellent suggestion." Agreed Merry.

The hobbits launched themselves upon an innocent passerby and ate him. The rest of the fellowship stared in silence.

"I'm impressed." Jack said after a few minutes.

Will's eyes were still round with horror. "Well, I'm not."

"Well, coming along was your idea." Jack pointed out cheerfully.

Will glared at his comrade, giving him a dark look. "Shut up."

Sirius was inching away from the hobbits, who were looking around and licking their chops. "I think we should go back to Hogwarts Remus. I...left something...important."

Remus didn't answer. He was staring at the hobbits and trying to decide if they were werewolves or not.

"Remus?" Sirius asked hesitantly. Remus continued to stare at the hobbits. "Fine." Sirius muttered. "I'll go back to Hogwarts by myself." He turned and faced a brick wall, then looked over his shoulder. "Last chance Remus!" He called.

Remus didn't answer. He was still trying to contimplate if he and Merry and Pippin had anything in common.

"Fine. I don't need you." Sirius muttered before turning around and running full speed at the brick wall. He smashed into it and fell over backwards, completely unconcious.

"Aroof?" Remus asked, falling into the werewolf tounge.

Merry immeadiately perked up. "Bark bark." He replied.

Pippin gave them both a strange look. "What are you guys talking about?"

Merry looked around, his eyes shifty. 'Nothing..."

Remus smiled, happy he met another werewolf. "You wouldn't understand."

"I thought I was strange." Pippin stated, gazing at the two of them.

Merry nodded, then patted his cousin on the shoulder. "You are strange Pip."

Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and looked around. "So, what are we going to do for an hour?"

Sirius got to his feet shakily as Aragorn pointed to a McDonalds. "Why not go there?"

Legolas gave the oddly shaped building a skeptical glance. "Do we have to?"

"Yes." Sirius and Aragorn replied, their stomachs speaking for them. They wandered across the street and into the McDonalds where they saw a famiiliar face...a _very_ familiar face.

"NO!" Shouted Aragorn, his face full of horror.

"It's ALIVE!" Merry shouted, pointing dramatically.

Pippin fainted.

Legolas put his contacts in, then blinked as the figure came into focus. "Boromir?"

Boromir looked up from where he was frying french fries. He had bullet holes in his chest, train tracks on his back, and a McDonald's apron on.

"Hi guys!" Boromir said, coming over to the counter. "What can I get for you?"

"What is he talking about?" Legolas whispered to Aragorn.

"I have no idea." Aragorn whispered back before turning to Boromir. "Umm...what do you have?"

Boromir held up an action figure of Legolas. "Well..we have these..."

Legolas gasped, his eyes growing wide. "It's me!" He lunged over the counter and snatched the figure from Boromir. "IT'S MINE! MY PRECIOUS!"

"The poor guy is obsessive." Remus noted.

Will nodded in response. "I quite agree."

Aragorn shrugged. "Don't worry about him. It's only when it comes to himself."

Legolas hopped back over the counter and put the action figure carefully in his pocket before turning to Aragorn. "Now what?"

"If you guys wait around for another five minutes, my shift will be over." Boromir called from the french fryer.

Jack, Will, Sirius, Remus, Legolas, Aragorn, Merry, and Pippin all exchanged confused glances.

"What's a shift?" Jack finally asked.

"The period of time I work." Boromir explained, packaging some fries.

Merry nodded, looking thoughtful. "So...you're a slave."

Boromir's mouth fell open in shock. "No I'm not! I am the Steward of Gondor!"

"Then how come you have to work?" Asked Pippin, looking extremely smug.

Boromir stared, his mouth working for a reply. "Because." He finally spat out.

"I knew it." Pippin smirked. "You're a lier."

"Hey, I fought for your lives." Boromir pointed out, his temper increasing.

"And as I recall, that didn't go so well. We were still kidnapped." Merry replied, putting on a smug expression.

"WHY YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE...!" Boromir shouted before grabbing a meat cleaver and climbing over the counter.

"AAAAAHHH!" Merry and Pippin screamed at the same time before each ran towards the McDonald's play area. People in the restaurant began to scream as Boromir ran after the hobbits with the meat cleaver. Merry and Pippin slipped through the maze easily and managed to get Boromir stuck inside the plastic slide.

"Let's get out of here!" Merry exclaimed, racing past the fellowship.

"And fast!" Pippin added, running after his cousin.

The fellowship left the restaurant and hurried across the street, back to the subway station.

"I can't believe that took an hour." Sirius said, scratching his head and staring at a clock.

Pippin scratched his head. "I guess time flies when you're being chased by a mad man with a meat cleaver."

"I wasn't that hungry anyway." Aragorn shrugged as the train pulled up to the station. The fellowship boarded the train bound for Middle Earth. As they pulled away, they looked out the window for one more glimpse of Buffalo and saw a short man dancing in a kilt and an old man playing the accordian as people passed by. Every once in a while, someone would drop a coin in a large grey wizard's hat. A sign nearby read, "WILL PLAY FOR COSTUME JEWELRY."

"Well, that was certainly a strange place." Jack muttered, sinking back in his chair.

"Glad that's over." Will muttered. "Where are we going now?"

"Gondor." Aragorn replied without a moments hesitation. For the rest of the train ride, the new members of the fellowhsip were informed of Gondor's hideous past and glorious future. For the rest of the train ride, the old members of the fellowship were tortured with useless information.

The train finally arrived in Middle Earth. As the doors opened, a mechainical voice said, "Welcome to Minas Tirith, Gondor, Middle-Earth. Next stop, Star Wars dimension, Naboo."

Merry and Pippin watched as the rest of the fellowship left the train, then swapped sideways glances as the doors closed...

A couple of hours later, Merry and Pippin were hanging with Yoda.

Pippin tugged on one of Yoda's pointed green ears. "Are these fake?"

"Are you an Elf?" Merry asked.

"Nah, that's stupid Merry. He can't be. He's too short!" Pippin said, informing his cousin.

"And grumpy." Merry noted.

"Green as well." Pippin pointed out.

"Stop it you must." Yoda commanded.

Pippin laughed. "You talk funny."

"Funny you look." Yoda replied.

"Hey, shut up small guy." Merry shouted, his brow furrowing in anger.

"Off it you knock." Yoda responded.

"Hey, you wanna go?" Pippin demanded.

The End...of Yoda anyway...

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**Well, there you have it. That's the end. Last chapter. Final charge. Last hurrah. I want to thank everyone who reviewed. Everyone was so nice to me, and I really appreciated your reviews. Just for reviewing, you all get your own dimension traveling subway, so you can go where you please and kidnap whoever you want to! Keep in touch, I'll be writing other stories! Thankies!**

**Lots of Love,**

**Me**


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